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9 Responses to “Does anyone know how to throw a baby shower for a family member without being named host?”
Wow that’s difficult situation. have you spoken to the other sister-in- law. I would try and have one shower with all the family invited. my mom and aunt , and other female family members all threw one shower for my cousin’s bride to be’s wedding shower. I don’t know if that’s the same or not, but maybe you should talk to her and see if you can help her plan it out and then send out more invitations.
I threw my sister-in-law a shower and invited both sides, but that’s because we all get along. I don’t think there is anything wrong with you throwing the shower, however are you good friends with her bestfriend? you could plan the shower and have her best friend take over the games and even add her name to the invite as host. BUT only invite your side of the family and this friend. Hope this helps!
I was in the same boat about 10 years ago with my first child. But it was from my parents being divorced. My mother threw me a shower for her side of the family. My father not wanting his family to be left out held a second shower. He and my step mom just had it from his side of the family. Both were small, but I got a chance to interact with all the family from each side.
The rest of your family can help you host, it doesn’t need to fall all on your shoulders.
Talk to your brother’s wife. It sounds like you two aren’t very close, but this could bring you two together.
I would bring over some fresh cookies and have a chat. Tell her that the rest of your family would like to celebrate in the new baby. Ask her if you can help her plan the shower and send additional invites to the rest of the family. I know traditional etiquette states that the mother should not plan her own shower, nor should family, but you’re kind of in an outstanding circumstance.
Break tradition and help her plan the shower. It’s not that hard. Showers tend to be more laid back so people aren’t expecting a full gourmet meal.
I don’t think it looks like a gift grab just because you’re doing the planning. Your sister in-law seems like she kind of stated the gift grab premise in implicitly dictating the gifts she wants. I’m sorry, but I’ve never been to a shower with a registry.
Do you have a cousin or aunt that is close enough to understand the situation? If so, maybe you could enlist their help in throwing a shower and taking over the role of hostess, at least on the invitations anyway. I think that would be acceptable as they wouldn’t be immediate family.
Another thought would be for you to host a “meet the baby” party after the baby is born. That way you could include all your family members and I don’t think there are really any set rules against you hosting an event like that. Just a thought.
Our family had a similar dilemma …. and it was my daughter. So, her cousin (my niece) and I had a family get together and served lunch. We called it a Welcoming party to welcome the new addition to the family. My niece was the hostess, but the party was at my house. I realize that this goes against all etiquette rules, but our family didn’t care and were happy to be invited. We all had a great time, and my daughter received a few gifts.
I suggest speaking to your brother directly. He may be completely clueless about the divide in the family baby showers of HER side versus HIS side. Perhaps he is able to discuss the obvious and hurt left out family members on his side of the family to his sister-in-law. Hopefully it is not too late to extend more invitations so that both sides cam come together to celebrate the upcoming new arrival. If this is not an option, or the other side of the family is unwilling to extend more invitation, then I might suggest you & your mother not attending at all. Throw a joint ‘Jack & Jill’ style of a baby shower to include your brother as a fun family gathering with your side of the family.
I have never heard of any etiquette stating who may or may not host a shower.
Most expectant mothers I know receive a couple showers – family, friends, and coworkers may all decide to host separate “mini-showers”, depending on how well the groups know each other.
Ideally, the hostess should consult with the guest of honor, and see who she wants to invite. There may be a reason your brother’s wife doesn’t want certain members of your family at her shower, or doesn’t want certain guests interacting with certain other guests. It’s her party, after all, so it’s the mother, not the hostess, who should have the final say on the guest list.
I suggest having a family shower, just for your side of the family. Her sister threw a shower for you; so you throw a shower for your brother. I wouldn’t invite people who attended the first shower unless you really want them there – they shouldn’t be expected to give two gifts.
Times have changed. Family members often throw showers for one another, and it’s not unheard of to have more than one shower for different circles of friends. Instead of worrying about what others will think, celebrate this newest family member appropriately – with your family.
November 29th, 2008 at 7:25 am
Jerry Runyan
Wow that’s difficult situation. have you spoken to the other sister-in- law. I would try and have one shower with all the family invited. my mom and aunt , and other female family members all threw one shower for my cousin’s bride to be’s wedding shower. I don’t know if that’s the same or not, but maybe you should talk to her and see if you can help her plan it out and then send out more invitations.
December 1st, 2008 at 7:14 am
Alan Blaylock
I threw my sister-in-law a shower and invited both sides, but that’s because we all get along. I don’t think there is anything wrong with you throwing the shower, however are you good friends with her bestfriend? you could plan the shower and have her best friend take over the games and even add her name to the invite as host. BUT only invite your side of the family and this friend. Hope this helps!
December 4th, 2008 at 9:19 am
.Nelson Keezer
I was in the same boat about 10 years ago with my first child. But it was from my parents being divorced. My mother threw me a shower for her side of the family. My father not wanting his family to be left out held a second shower. He and my step mom just had it from his side of the family. Both were small, but I got a chance to interact with all the family from each side.
The rest of your family can help you host, it doesn’t need to fall all on your shoulders.
December 7th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Kristin Balch
Talk to your brother’s wife. It sounds like you two aren’t very close, but this could bring you two together.
I would bring over some fresh cookies and have a chat. Tell her that the rest of your family would like to celebrate in the new baby. Ask her if you can help her plan the shower and send additional invites to the rest of the family. I know traditional etiquette states that the mother should not plan her own shower, nor should family, but you’re kind of in an outstanding circumstance.
Break tradition and help her plan the shower. It’s not that hard. Showers tend to be more laid back so people aren’t expecting a full gourmet meal.
I don’t think it looks like a gift grab just because you’re doing the planning. Your sister in-law seems like she kind of stated the gift grab premise in implicitly dictating the gifts she wants. I’m sorry, but I’ve never been to a shower with a registry.
December 8th, 2008 at 9:43 am
Michael Horan
Do you have a cousin or aunt that is close enough to understand the situation? If so, maybe you could enlist their help in throwing a shower and taking over the role of hostess, at least on the invitations anyway. I think that would be acceptable as they wouldn’t be immediate family.
Another thought would be for you to host a “meet the baby” party after the baby is born. That way you could include all your family members and I don’t think there are really any set rules against you hosting an event like that. Just a thought.
December 10th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Olivia Dees
Our family had a similar dilemma …. and it was my daughter. So, her cousin (my niece) and I had a family get together and served lunch. We called it a Welcoming party to welcome the new addition to the family. My niece was the hostess, but the party was at my house. I realize that this goes against all etiquette rules, but our family didn’t care and were happy to be invited. We all had a great time, and my daughter received a few gifts.
December 13th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Danny Averett
I suggest speaking to your brother directly. He may be completely clueless about the divide in the family baby showers of HER side versus HIS side. Perhaps he is able to discuss the obvious and hurt left out family members on his side of the family to his sister-in-law. Hopefully it is not too late to extend more invitations so that both sides cam come together to celebrate the upcoming new arrival. If this is not an option, or the other side of the family is unwilling to extend more invitation, then I might suggest you & your mother not attending at all. Throw a joint ‘Jack & Jill’ style of a baby shower to include your brother as a fun family gathering with your side of the family.
Good luck to you!
December 16th, 2008 at 10:07 pm
David Shephard
I have never heard of any etiquette stating who may or may not host a shower.
Most expectant mothers I know receive a couple showers – family, friends, and coworkers may all decide to host separate “mini-showers”, depending on how well the groups know each other.
Ideally, the hostess should consult with the guest of honor, and see who she wants to invite. There may be a reason your brother’s wife doesn’t want certain members of your family at her shower, or doesn’t want certain guests interacting with certain other guests. It’s her party, after all, so it’s the mother, not the hostess, who should have the final say on the guest list.
I suggest having a family shower, just for your side of the family. Her sister threw a shower for you; so you throw a shower for your brother. I wouldn’t invite people who attended the first shower unless you really want them there – they shouldn’t be expected to give two gifts.
December 17th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Mabel Chastain
Times have changed. Family members often throw showers for one another, and it’s not unheard of to have more than one shower for different circles of friends. Instead of worrying about what others will think, celebrate this newest family member appropriately – with your family.